Monday, January 12, 2015

How Headcovering Changed My Marriage

For most of my christian walk, I assumed that my hair was my required headcovering discussed by Paul in 1 Corinthians 11. I can completely understand that many women believe this. And I completely admit that I have found no law in the old testament for a woman to cover her head.

But then I saw a study on the topic that changed my mind regarding headcoverings.

As I explained in a blog post at the time,, I realized that our walk has spiritual steps that are shown by taking physical steps. Just as a man being circumcised (physical) is meaningless without submission and circumcision of the heart (spiritual), so too, a headcovering (physical) is meaningless without the submission and covering of the man in my own life (spiritual).

My personal reasons for NOT wearing a headcovering before this teaching were revealed to be rooted in my feelings of independence from my husband, which was not in line with the word at all. I needed to spiritually submit and for me I had to take on that physical, outward sign as part of that process.

Interestingly (when asked about my headcovering, I realized this amazing aspect) during this same time I struggled terribly with my husband and was told by Yah, again and again to submit. I 'thought' I was submissive enough. I 'thought' I was respectful enough. I 'thought' I had given up enough for him and our family. I had so much to learn, in areas that I really thought were in hand.

From my perspective, comparing myself to 'other women,' I was a very submissive and obedient wife. From other people's perspective I was as well. But Yah brought all my internal grumbling and dissatisfaction to the table for me to look upon and learn His perspective.

As part of the process, Yah also revealed to me that I was comparing my husband to an innacurate image as well. He was not prince charming for sure. He did not dote on me, or buy me nearly enough chocolate or flowers, take me out on date nights or hang out with me every waking moment that he was not working. MY image of my husband was being compared to disney and hallmark, instead of against the word of yah. NOW it seems silly and stupid of me. I was not even aware that I was doing it.

Then one day I was reading some article about some historical somebody. This man was NOT a good man. He was... vile and cruel. Somehow, in my sheltered home and in the absolute safety I had with my husband, I had forgotten the depravity of the world outside my home. It was like a slap to my sleeping face. I realized suddenly, it was revealed by Yah, that in HIS perspective, my husband was one of those who sought His face and was therefore righteous before Him. Perfect, No. But in a world of men whose thoughts were evil continually, a man of great worth, a rarity, a jewel.

In this revelation,,  my attitude was completely turned around. I still have to make the conscious effort sometimes, but I look back at that 'altar' to remember what I had to learn. My husband never 'said' anything about it. But he started spending more and more time with me. His heart was turned towards his family instead of outside of our home. I had anguished that he did not love me anymore and that was why I was 'neglected'. But now I see that my 'internal' thoughts were not hidden from him and hurt him. I see now that my prayers for him to care for me and his children and love us, had to first be worked in me.

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