Monday, April 1, 2013

Fire In My Bones

In 2001 I got on my knees and committed my life to Jesus, asking for his blood to cover my sins and be made new.

I remember those first few months after accepting Christ and absolutely LIVING IN THE WORD.  I breathed it in as air. My every moment free I was in it.  My heart desired it like delicious food.  I read and read and read and read.

His Word was my delight.

But then .... it waned.

I loved God.  I still read and prayed.  I still tried my best.

But the fervor was gone.  The fire that burned without quenching was gone.  The desire for Him was there but with just enough reciprocation to keep me going, 'Don't give up,' "Keep on keepin' on..."

I prayed and prayed for the LOVE to come back.

I tried talking to others about it.  Most told me... that it was just normal.  Just like in a marriage, your 'honeymoon' is sooooo exciting and thrilling, and then it cools.  Your relationship, even with God, turns into this cool and calm friendship, sometimes you get a hug, sometimes a firm hand hold.... mostly, you just talk and cry and laugh together.

But I wanted the LOVE.  I wanted the FIRE!

I prayed and prayed.

Sometimes I prayed day after day for it.  Sometimes life caught up to me and I was so busy and 'keepin' on' that weeks, maybe months would pass.

But I kept praying for it.

Last year, my family began celebrating the biblical feasts and sabbaths.  We began researching the feasts, their practices, the prophecies hidden in each.  Each study left us with exciting insights into God and his nature, his desire for his people, prophesies fulfilled in the past and of the future.  Each question we started with, found answers with so much richness that we could smile and laugh and say "wow.... just wow." for days on end.  Each step we found more and more subjects, questions and points that we wanted and needed to learn more about.

We learned that we have not broken the surface of the word, let alone the fullness of YHWH.

We learned that we could learn and learn and learn the word of YHWH and possibly NEVER be done with the knowledge of Him.

And then I realized...

I have been reading the word every moment I can.  I have been watching teaching videos on the word when I am too tired to read myself.  I have been listening to audio bibles all day long as I do my work when I am unable to sit down.

And I want more!

I have the LOVE back!

I have the FIRE!


His word was in my heart like a burning fire
Shut up in my bones;
I was weary of holding it back,
And I could not.
Jeremiah 20:9



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